And a little bit more…

One Comment

1. 

   Aaron | March 27, 2008 at 02:42

   Hey Avner,

   It’s looking good… You’ve still got the nice timing as you had before… overall, I think it’s working. A couple of things I noticed. His eyeline still looks off to me. He seems to be looking to someone different when he comes up close… his focus needs to be one point of interest unless he’s talking to an audience.

   The flow isn’t too bad… but there is a little wobbliness in places. His hands move on his hips a lot from 0-50… to sell the fact there resting there, it would be better to just lock them there… was a little distracting… made me look at his hands.

   From 190-220 he’s wobbling from side to side as he comes forward… I know you were tring to sell the weight… it worked in the first segment… but a little overdone here… doesn’t need that much side to side.

   The eye movement on 156 isn’t needed… or just one dart…

   The rest looks good!

   Hope this helps… and good luck!

   Aaron